EURASIA

Well my dears, in my travels thus far I have a few things I feel are worth mentioning.

Ho Chi Minh City is the largest city in Vietnam. Dashing. We have the War Remnants Museum, an eye-opening soiree of the Vietnam War. We have Pho, a noodle soup with spring onions and a broth forever boiled in meat and spices that I died twice for. We also have a taxi to take us around and look at the many sights, but who wants to do that when for less than half the price you can just jump on a motorcycle behind some guy you met 2 minutes ago with not a clue where you are going? It matters not where you go of course, all the fun in the world comes with how you get there.

When it comes to Paris, you shouldn’t try to do too many things in a day. I mean of course, see as much as you like, but rather than continuously scheduling things here and there I suggest developing an art to the enjoyment of it all. For example: you need a photo of Notre Dame right? First, go there, have some wine, have some cheese, relax. Once you have had enough to drink, and you suddenly remember why you came there in the first place, you’ll think, “Goodness, I was going to go climb the Notre Dame!” Should you? No. No, you shouldn’t. You should walk past it and quickly take a photo of yourself in front of the Notre Dame. Total time investment: 6 minutes. Voila. You came, you conquered, you are inebriated. Then what? Go have a baguette, go flirt with a French person. They won’t understand a thing you say but who cares. You’ve got your photo in front of Notre Dame.

Also, did you know that in Paris it is illegal to name your pig Napoleon, however, it is legal to touch breasts while riding on a train in broad daylight? But does that mean your own, or someone else’s... I do not know.

In Barcelona, what does one get up to in a city with so much potential for mischief? To preface I would like to say I love to Tango, but I wasn’t expecting to do anything of the sort here. I’m in a nice, secluded bar at 3AM. I’m talking to the owner, who is 2 and ¾ times my age, his wrinkles falling down to the floor. He, completely unaware of my obsession with the dance, casually mentions that he would like to Tango with me in the middle of his very own dimly lit bar, my friends and a few complete strangers watching us in a sort of fixated sense of awe, Carlos Gardel singing in the background. That, my friends, is what I believe makes Barcelona what it is: an unpredictable delight around every corner.

Lastly, I would recommend climbing the Great Wall of China if you’ve got a minute. At the moment it’s a bit chilly at minus 3, but anyone from where I grew up, from my neck of the woods, will tell you that's only a mere brisk Spring day and don't bother changing your shorts and t-shirt, just move around a bit quicker.