Portu-wHaat?

There is a place up in the northeast of Peru called 'Tres Fronteras,' spanish for three borders. Not just 3 cities lie here, but 3 countries: Santa Rosa - Peru, Leticia - Colombia and Tabatinga - Brazil.

I arrived, on yet another boat, to Santa Rosa, Peru one fine day and officially immigrated out of the country. A one minute boat ride across river, I checked into a hostel in Colombia. Ten minute cab ride to Tabatinga, and I officially immigrated to the country of Brazil. In one hour I'd been to 3 different countries, I had 3 different currencies in my pocket and 3 different nationalities of men had whistled at me. Shame that behaviour is everywhere, really.

There are yet more boats traveling in and out of Tabatinga (this is Brazil now, stay with me) to Manaus. Why don't we review for a scrumptious second, shall we? I will bother you with names of more cities but for a minute: Yurimaguas to Iquitos, Iquitos to Tabatinga, Tabatinga to Manaus. This totals around 2, 000 merry kilometres, traveled in naught but 3 different boats. That's more than half of the entire bloody Amazon river.

And so it was there, on the boat from Tabatinga to Manaus. That is where I met the inescapable terror by the name of Junior, and my first taste of a shockingly scary language barrier. We were just about to start our 4 day journey, and I had just finished all my pre-boating preparations. I had not actually heard portuguese at this point. My hammock was set up, backpack secure, I was reading my book all nice and snug rocking back and forth as usual. Enter, Brazilian named Junior. He set up his hammock next to mine, and then he asked me something. It sounded like he was murmuring, like he had a really bad stutter, my brain registered none of it. I looked at him. He smiled and asked me again, the boat started moving. I could feel myself start to panic. I actually had not one clue what he had just said. It was at this point my brain actually switched on. This happens sometimes. 'Hello brain!' I said to it, still roughly in the vicinity of happiness, 'So nice of you to join me on this trip, fantastic, cheerio! Would there be anything intelligent you have to say? Any helpful little tidbits?' "Bailey, you're a bit of a dolt aren't you." It retorted. "You absolute moron. You think you can just waltz into another country, having no previous exposure to portuguese? I had no part in you getting on this boat, you think I'm going to deal with the consequences now? I'm sorry my dear. You are on your own." The ol' brain isn't exactly the best at pep talks. Just then Junior made the motion to shake my hand. I put my hand in his, and he started kissing up my arm. "This is not good." I thought.

Throughout the whole boat ride Junior was like a moth to the flame, a complete chatterbox, an absolute nutjob. It was quite obvious there was actually something mentally askew with this chap. (I am no doctor, just an educated guess) This kid couldn't have been more than 17. It was apparent that I didn't understand him, but he seemed not to care. When I tried to talk to other people he would always drop whatever he was doing and come obnoxiously interrupt. He followed me around. I wasn't sure how to go about this. Not only was another person of the opposite sex bothering me whom I wanted nothing to do with, but, for your information he was speaking portuguese. For your further information, that is not spanish.

Well let's just deal with one problem at a time now shall we.

I moved my hammock to the other end of the room. I yelled 'no' a thousand times in his face and pushed him away whenever he uttered even one measly indistinguishable word to me. This did nothing. It made things worse actually, on top of everything else he started writing me letters. We entered a long distance relationship.

The sad part of this story is, we were on a boat. You can avoid another person on a boat about as much as you can avoid the sun. Quite impossible.

Just when I had accepted that all is lost, I met 2 Israelis who spoke very good english, spanish and a little portuguese. They explained a few similarities between spanish and portuguese to me, and also had a portuguese book, which they kindly let me study. Language situation: feeling a little better about this. Junior situation..

Spanish = Portuguese example: "I love you" in spanish is 'Te Amo.' In Portuguese it is the same, but they pronounce their 'T's as a 'Ch' sound. It sounds like they are saying, "Chamo." If you are in shock and unaware of this minor change, when Junior repeatedly says it to you, you will not understand.

On the last night of this near fatal expedition in captivity, I decided to get a picture with Junior. By this time things had finally been so frustrating for long enough that it was laughable. I agreed, a little reluctant, to stand beside Junior and let him put his arm around me. Some people even watched, entertained. The people on the boat had all been spectators of this budding romance since day one, when I started yelling at him. He kissed me on the cheek, top deck of that boat. Some people laughed, even clapped. It was such a happy day for Junior.

He then asked when I was moving in with him, at which point I started yelling again.

Here I now sit, in Manaus Brazil, the heart of the Amazon. So far most of what I know about Brazil is related to Junior. If things do not improve, I will vacate this country immediately.

Bailey.

P.S. We are having technical difficulties with photos at the moment. Once this situation has been resolved, I assure you that relief will be found on facebook. (And if you would like, and you ask nicely, those who do not have facebook I might send you two photos.) Thank you for your attention to this matter. Have a great day.